Wrapping Compliments 101

Merry Christmas, High Point Church!

As you’re checking off your shopping lists this year, it’s important to remember that you have more to offer those around you than what your bank account shows. In fact, some of the best gifts I’ve ever received never had a price tag.

“Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” – Proverbs 16:24 NLT

Currently my office shelves are full of notes, letters, and cards from youth students who seem to know the perfect time to give encouragements. Those are some of my most treasured gifts. Why? Because our youth students know how to give a good compliment!
Have you ever received a gift wrapped hastily in old newspaper? Or stuffed in a crinkled paper bag? Maybe the state of the wrapping didn’t make a difference to you! Until you received another gift, wrapped with obvious care, a large bow and silk ribbon, and quality wrapping paper. That’s the kind of gift that makes its way on Instagram and is remembered for a long time to come!
We can do the same thing with our compliments either wrap them nicely or stuff them in a crinkly Star Tribune sports section. This is what I’ve learned from our students
So, here are 3 tips that I hope will help you give some well-wrapped compliments this season!
  1. Be Genuine
The ultimate worth of a compliment can be determined by the amount of sincerity behind it. Little does its extravagance matter if it’s not given out of a sincere heart.
The “wrapping” for a genuine compliment happens beyond the words. How much thought went into your encouragement? Did you look beyond the obvious to find something really meaningful? Did you take a moment to look the person in the eye when you said it?
A quick “you’re amazing” or “I love that sweater” are nice to hear, but they don’t in themselves demonstrate a lot of genuine thought. Those kinds of passing encouragements can start to seem especially insincere when added up over time, like socks gifted every Christmas (C’mon, Aunt Karen, where’s the love?).
Here’s my experience if you could easily say it about a plate of food (i.e. “This burger is wonderful” or “That is some beautiful cheesecake”), it’s not a memorable compliment. We use those kinds of phrases all the time for just about anything. I know your friends and family are more important to you than your food!
Perhaps the easiest way to start the process for a genuine compliment is to find something you genuinely appreciate about the person. Are they peaceful around you when your life is hectic? Do they treat your kids with unconditional kindness? Do they demonstrate leadership skills that you’ve learned from? What do you sincerely love about them?
Let them know, sincerely, right out of your heart.


  • “You are such a great person.”
  • “You are such a great example of selflessness to me and the rest of this family.”
  1. Be Specific
I tried to hold out, but I can’t hide my love for what I do, so here comes the worship analogy! What I’ve noticed since joining the High Point worship team is that the songs that really seem to ‘pop’ in the congregation are the songs that dig beneath the surface to describe a specific aspect or outcome of God’s character.
Let’s take “What a Beautiful Name” for instance. What a great song! Brooke Ligertwood’s worship hit actually rated #1 in CCLI’s top 100 songs for the last two years, and for good reason. It’s theologically rich, catchy, touching, intimate, upward-focused… and it’s specific.
Every chorus of “What a Beautiful Name” repeats a simple line, “What a beautiful / wonderful / powerful name it is,” but each line is preceded by the reason for its truth a background that gives the simple line its deep impact:
“You were the Word at the beginning / One with God the Lord Most High / Your hidden glory in creation now revealed in You our Christ. . . . What a beautiful name it is.”
“You didn’t want heaven without us / so Jesus You brought heaven down / My sin was great but Your love was greater / What could separate us now? . . . What a wonderful name it is.”
“Death could not hold You / The veil tore before you. . . . The heavens are roaring the praise of Your glory. . . . Yours is the name above all names. . . . What a powerful name it is.”
If this song was originally released with only those three main lines, it’s not like it would have been inaccurate. No one could argue the truth of God’s beauty, wonder, and power, right? But those lines likely wouldn’t have been as impactful as they are without the specific references to why His name is beautiful, wonderful, and powerful.
The same goes for the compliments we give to each other. I could say you’re great, but what does that mean? Why are you great? What did you do that made me notice your greatness?
I’m not going to downplay the time this takes. It takes attention and thought, but even the simplest lines will be impactful if you can back them up with specific examples.


  • “You are amazing!”
  • “When I passed by Kids Club earlier I saw you teaching and noticed that all of the kids were captivated by the funny voices you used to tell the story. You are amazing with children!”
  1. Be Generous

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” – Proverbs 12:25 ESV

If you think of it, say it.
Often God puts thoughts in our heads that are exactly what someone else needs to hear. If you feel something kind to say sitting in your heart, don’t let it decay there! Let the person know. Something the youth students are especially good at is noticing when another student or leader is having a difficult day, and doing what they can with their words to turn that day around.
I’ll never forget one of the nights when I was really contemplating whether I was the right person for the job. I received a homemade art piece from one of the youth with a handwritten thank you on the back, specifically referring to some messages I had given that had helped them grow spiritually. That artwork has a proud place in my office and still encourages me to this day.
There’s never a bad time to encourage someone. Many of us need it, even if we don’t show the need. What Happens When a Compliment is Well Wrapped?
Before I learned these compliment wrapping techniques from the students, my encouragements to them would look something like, “You’re really a great student. I’m glad to have you on my team!” Certainly the compliments would lighten their faces for a moment, but they didn’t seem to stick. Self-esteem was still low, youth teams were falling apart, and I could see that a lot of students were still going home as discouraged as when they arrived.
After the encouragement notes and cards began coming in, I started to format my compliments more like the youth did. Instead of saying, “You’re a really great student” I would be more genuine about what I really appreciated: “You have been such an incredible help to me cleaning up after youth group is over.” Instead of saying, “I’m glad to have you on my team,” I would be more specific about their value on the team: “You have been one of my best greeters. Last week I watched you talk to one of the students who has been most shy as soon as they walked in the door, and even this week that student spoke up in small groups. You are so good at helping other students feel like they fit in!”
What happens when a compliment is well wrapped? Suddenly the youth greeting team grew. Suddenly students wanted to start using their creative talents on the media team. Suddenly students became more vocal about their desire to be worship leaders. I didn’t pay a penny. The youth leaders just started to take the time to give genuine, specific, and generous compliments!
I know this is a busy season for many of you. And the busyness tends to strip away our ability to deal sensitively with hyper kids, opinionated parents, or equally occupied spouses. Please remember that your gift giving doesn’t need to wait until Christmas! Start now. Wrap your compliments well and watch the difference it makes with your friends and family. “Compliment Christmas” can go on all year at your house, at your job, or in your school. It won’t cost you a thing, and it will enrich the lives of everyone around you!
-Catherine Lexvold, Worship & Youth Director 

Read more

God’s Glory Restored in Us

…For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
I remember when one of my Bible college professors opened our first class of the year with a glass jar in his hands. He told the class that the jar was symbolic of the glory of God. He began to describe in great detail how perfect things were at the beginning in the Garden of Eden. The class was completely quiet as we heard him elaborate on the glorious beginning Adam and Eve experienced. Suddenly, he picked up a hammer and shattered the glass. He then described with deep compassion how the glory of God was shattered from mankind. He asked, “Have you ever met someone who is a little rough around the edge?” as he pointed to the sharp glass fragment sill in his hand. Then he picked up more pieces off the floor and remarked, “Have you ever met someone who is edgy and impatient with people? Or have you known someone who cuts others down with their words, always finding things to ridicule?”
Since sin entered the world with the fall of man, it doesn’t take long to look and see what this professor was illustrating. The more someone has experienced sin, the more they develop a sharpness and anger toward people. Whether a person is watching sin through media or experiencing it personally, it is like someone is taking that person’s heart each time and pouring sludge into it. The more sludge the heart is filled with, the more the enemy is able to work through a person to try to destroy them and those around them.
Even though God’s holiness, His glory, and His perfection were all shattered in the life of man through sin, Jesus came and made a way for God’s glory to be completely restored in us when we choose to accept Him and walk in His ways. His ways are clearly laid out for us in Scripture. 1 Peter 1:16 tells us, “Be holy for I am holy.” Since we still live in a fallen world, how do we walk in this holiness and love others from a pure heart as Christ loves us?
This is a question many have had, even in the church. Occasionally when we are sharing the love of God with someone and invite him or her to pray the prayer of salvation, they may say something like, “Oh, I can’t do that. I’m too sinful. I could never live my life right, the way I would have to in order to be a Christian.” Or they may say, “I think God is mad at me. He wouldn’t want me after all I’ve done.” What these people are really saying is, “I know God is holy and I also know that in my own strength and ability I have some major imperfections. Therefore, I don’t think He would want anything to do with me.” 
The truth is, God gets great pleasure and glory from taking someone the world has considered a failure and making them into a great success! He enjoys showing Himself strong in the life of anyone who will look to Him and ask for help, because He is no respecter of people. He desires to help everyone, whether they are rich or poor, tall or short, black or white. It makes no difference to Him, but He is a gentleman. He doesn’t force Himself or His ways on anyone. He always waits for an invitation. When He gets an invitation, He always shows up immediately. He is always ready and waiting to freely impart His life, love and holiness into anyone’s life that will call upon his name. Let us look at how we are able to partake of His holiness in our own life, which includes loving others with His love. 
One of the descriptions we found when we looked up holiness was, “The holy people of God are called to holy living precisely because they have been made holy in Christ. Not as a means to that holiness.” Therefore, holiness is not something we can earn. The Bible tells us God alone is holy (see Revelation 15:4). Therefore, we can only be holy as He is holy though having a covenant with Him and receiving His holiness in us. 
When we enter into that covenant through repentance of our sins, accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we freely become partakers of His holiness. In other words, He made us holy through Christ when He came to abide in our heart. As a result of His holiness living in us, we then have the power to daily make the choice to walk a life of purity for His glory. 
-In love, Pastors Shaun & Amy 

Read more


I recall one Sunday afternoon when my family was about to go on a drive. We were all loaded up in the car when Dad realized he had forgotten something inside. So he pulled up to the front door of the apartment complex and ran inside. “I’ll be quick,” he promised, leaving the car running. What a mistake that was! When he came back outside, there was a woman paused on the sidewalk between the car and our front door, ready to give him a piece of her mind about the environmental damage we were causing by leaving our car running. What she yelled was something along the lines of “You stupid Americans are coming over here unwelcome, ruining our environment and our country. Leave Switzerland to the people. You’re not qualified to be here.”
Fair. Ish. It was our bad leaving the car running… but to call us unqualified seemed a little far. By the time Dad got back inside the car, he was chuckling. Confused, we asked Why are you laughing? That was so rude of her! … “My company,” he replied, “only hires people from outside of Switzerland if they can’t find someone within the country qualified to do the job,” He said. “If someone else was as qualified as I am for my position, I wouldn’t be here. I’m here because I’m the most qualified to be here.”
God would not have put you in the world if you were not the most qualified person for your calling.
My next point might seem paradoxical, but hear me out…
You are unqualified and here’s why:
God has a Word to get out. A few words, actually: Power. Love. Peace. Jesus Christ. Salvation. Abundance. Restoration. Healing. Everything He is and does, He wants creation to know. e is getting that word out through people, partnering with His creation. I can think of two major reasons why 1. to build a relationship (working with us) and 2. to demonstrate His glory (working through us).
Isaiah 43:7 states, “Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him” (NKJV, emphasis added).
You were created for God’s glory. This means that the main purpose for your life is to point back to God and say He deserves the glory. Your existence, your talents, your job, your family, etc. All of it should be evidence of God’s existence and power.
Wouldn’t it follow, then, that one of your most useful qualities to God is that you don’t have “what it takes”?  Think about David and Goliath. If God had sent a 9-foot trained-from-birth warrior to represent the Israelites, who would have been praised for the victory? It would have been easy to look at the warrior’s physical strength and training as the explanation for his success. David, on the other hand, is the youngest man in his family. He has never been trained for battle, he isn’t part of the Israelite army, and he doesn’t even have armor. David’s victory, the victory of the “unqualified”, is a straight arrow to God.
God uses the same approach through Gideon (insecure > mighty warrior), Peter (unstable > rock on which the church was built), Paul (brutal persecutor > 1 Corinthians 13), etc. His existence and power is evident through the success of the unqualified. And if His purpose for us is to demonstrate His glory, as stated in Isaiah, then the least qualified will be the most qualified to fulfill that purpose.
The less qualified you are, the more qualified you are.
I wrote a little bit about my husband in my last blog “No Filter Needed”, but I want to go a little deeper into Tyler’s life right now. It’s a rather good story.
Tyler was born on March 1, 1994 with little chance of making it out of the hospital. Three months premature and just a little over two pounds, he was small enough to fit inside his dad’s hand. His vitals were dismal and his brain was flooded, to the point that the doctor started preparing his parents to say their goodbyes. God miraculously kept Tyler alive through weeks of medical complications, but the brain flooding still affected his early learning. A major speech impediment, difficulty concentrating, and a constant struggle to retain new concepts landed Tyler in special education classes throughout elementary and middle school. A simple math problem would take him two hours to complete, with help.
By the time he was a senior in high school, teachers didn’t have an observable “reason” to believe in his academic ability. In fact, many teachers told Tyler and his parents that the time and fees involved in college applications would be a waste; he shouldn’t bother because he wouldn’t make it in. Despite the discouragements, Tyler applied.
He had just sent in his application for RCTC when an someone influential in his life sent him a letter, the contents of which boiled down to, “Remember how difficult high school was for you? Remember how many times you failed? College will take a lot more work than you realize. I don’t want you to disappoint yourself by getting your hopes too high.”
The enemy’s plan is to convince you that you’ll never be qualified, and he’ll use any avenue he can find to do that. He’ll use other people’s comments: Don’t you have to be really smart to be a doctor?… What makes you think you’re good enough for her?… Applying for that scholarship is a waste of your time. Those comments may come from so many directions that they start to echo in your own voice: I’m not creative enough to write music… I’ll never be smart enough for grad school… How could I be happily married when my family has a history of bad relationships?
That may be what the enemy says, but God says something different.
Tyler got straight A’s his first semester of college, in case you’re curious. He has made it on the Dean’s List multiple semesters and graduates this spring with a well-earned degree in aviation. He moved forward despite his early struggle. He moved in faith despite the letter.
If our ultimate purpose is to bring God glory, then the people you’ll see doing it best are those who knew they weren’t qualified but did it anyway
I’m not saying that if you have a particular gifting, God’s not going to use it. God gave you your natural talents in the first place. I’m not going to stop using my voice just because it’s a good one. My voice fits within my calling. But I’m called to go way beyond what a good voice qualifies me to do, and that’s the place where God’s glory is coming through visual, tangible evidence that God exists. God is powerful. God qualifies me.

You can’t know what you’re qualified to do until you let God do it through you. If you don’t know what your calling is yet, I can tell you with 100% confidence that it’s much bigger than what you’re qualified to do. That means not saying no to a job opportunity because you think you’re not equipped, not dismissing college because you think you’re not smart enough, not giving up on good relationships because you think you’re incapable of keeping one. You are here in your life, in your family, in your position because you are the most qualified to be here. You are the most qualified to show God’s glory through your life. Show the world how impressive God is by moving forward in faith. Don’t use your (un)qualifications as an excuse. God will not let His glory go unnoticed.

-Catherine Lexvold

Read more

The Waiting Game

Good things come to those who wait, right? Yes. Does it always feel like that? No.
The bible is full of stories of those who waited on God and those who didn’t. We will take a look at two of those in a moment, but first a little bit of my story…
When I first accepted Jesus as my savior at 16 years old, one of the first Bible verses I learned was Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, says the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.’”
Wow!  I thought, God has a plan for me?! This 16-year-old girl, who made painful mistakes in her early teenage years, has a prosperous future? I could hardly accept it! But with the help of a few amazing friends, I chose to believe it. The rest of my teenage years, I still accepted this truth at surface level but never really dug into it. When I turned twenty, I decided I wanted to know God on a deeper level to really understand who He is and the plan He has for me. In my quest to know God, a few things became certain: 1. He did have a good plan for me (actually a great plan), 2. it wouldn’t happen all at once, and 3. it wouldn’t come easy…
With Hebrews 10:23 (“He who promised is faithful”) and Psalm 37:4 (Those who delight in the Lord shall receive the desires of their heart) as my backbone, I began to wait on the Lord for His perfect plan…
And when I say wait, I mean like waiting for paint to dry or waiting for your mom to stop talking to her “long-lost friend” in the grocery store… You know what I mean? The kind of waiting that is tapping your foot, sighing and checking your watch. You get the picture? That is called being impatient. “God, when will you reveal your gifts in me?”, “God, where is my perfect guy?! You promised!” And you know what that is? Complaining. Sound familiar?
In Exodus 5:22-6:12, Moses cries out to God asking Him why His people are enslaved. God answered, “I will bring you and your people out from under the yoke of slavery and I will bring you to the land I promised to you” (paraphrased). Soon after, through the Ten Plagues and the parting of the Red Sea, God saves the Israelites and there begins their journey to the Promised Land. You would think after being rescued from slavery that the Israelites would be thankful, right? Wrong. Numbers 11 says, “One day the Israelites started complaining about their troubles” (11:1 CEV). They were just saved from a life of slavery and are complaining! It isn’t just one complaint, either; their complaints are continuous and eventually lead them to forty years of wandering in the wilderness.
When I turned 22, I had enough of “wandering in the wilderness,” and I decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted my perfect guy and I wanted him now! I bet that sounds familiar, too.
In Genesis 15, God promises Abram that he will have descendents as numerous as the stars. Abram believes Him, even though He and his wife, Sarai have no children and are way past child-bearing age. Sarai laughs at the thought of having children at this age, so much so that one chapter later, she gives her slave Hagar to her husband and Hagar conceives a child. An angel of the Lord appears to Hagar and says, “you will name this child Ishmael. . . . His hand will be against everyone and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.”
Abram and Sarai attempted to fulfill God’s promise on their own (AKA compromise) instead of patiently waiting on God’s perfect promise. That is exactly what I did. I got impatient and found a guy that fit most of the promise. I mean, who’s really going to meet all of my desires? A few months into the relationship, I realized I had made a mistake and wasted valuable time.
The great thing about Abram & Sarai’s story is that it didn’t end there… In Genesis 17, God changes Abram & Sarai’s names to Abraham and Sarah, meaning that they will be the father and mother of many nations. Then in Genesis 21, Sarah gives birth to a son named Isaac, and God blesses Him. Still, God didn’t stop there. He blesses Ishmael, too. Isn’t that neat? God didn’t just bless the promise; He also blessed the result of Abraham’s and Sarah’s mistake, after they chose to obey.
Throughout the book of Genesis, Abraham and Sarah continue to be blessed in many ways, but the coolest thing to me is that in Hebrews 11:8-12, the Spirit of God chose to mention them in the “Hall of Faith,” basically saying that they were blessed because they decided to believe that God was faithful.
That is the key, isn’t it? Deciding that God is faithful, no matter what? When we come to the realization that God is faithful, that HE WILL do what He promised, waiting doesn’t have to be “foot-tapping-watch-checking waiting” anymore.
Shortly after I ended my relationship with the wrong guy, I was reading Hebrews 6:12, which says, We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised [by God)” (NIV). In this scripture, God is instructing His people not to be lazy, but that doesn’t mean He wants us to make our own promise. He wants us to have faith and patience. As I was meditating on those two words, God revealed something to my heart that finally made everything click. God doesn’t want His children to wait. That word in itself means to “stay where one is or delay action until a particular time.” Rather than wait, He wants us to patiently prepare.
Patiently (adv): “In a way that shows tolerance for delays without becoming annoyed or anxious.”
Prepare (verb): “To make something ready for use.”
We’ve been given a promise, and waiting won’t lead us to receive it. We need to patiently prepare ourselves, making ourselves ready for use so that when the promise does come, we are ready. That sounds a lot like faith, doesn’t it? Hebrews 11:1 states, “Now faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not [yet] see” (NIV).
Has God promised you an Ephesians 3:20 spouse? Someone who is exceedingly above all that you can ask or imagine? Don’t just wait. Prepare. Read marriage books, study God-centered marriages, and grow so that when your God-given promise reveals itself, you are ready.
Is it your desire to have a baby? It’s God’s, too, but don’t just wait. Prepare. Read books on Godly parenting. Sow a seed by investing your time into the others’ children. Paint the nursery and buy the diapers.
Literally anything that God has promised you (i.e. health, financial security, a new job, etc.). He is asking you to patiently prepare – to trust that He is faithful and will bring about what He has promised.
Now, back to my story… Two and a half years have passed since I decided to patiently prepare myself for my future spouse. Over that time, I asked God to change my heart to be ready for my future spouse. I read numerous marriage books, listened to relationship podcasts, prayed for my future spouse, studied healthy marriages, praised God for my future marriage and chose to be content, knowing that God had my back and has set aside someone for me. Although this part of my story is still being written, four months ago, when I was least expecting it, God brought me to a man who meets all yes, ALL my desires.
And He fully intends and desires to show you His faithfulness. But first, He needs us to transform our tendency to wait into a habit of patiently preparing.
-In love, 

Read more

No Filter Needed

I’ll be honest that I’m attempting to feed two birds with one biscuit here: 1. I want to let my husband know how much I appreciate him, and 2. As Refresh approaches, I want to start shifting our focus toward relationships.

Undoubtedly the most challenging yet entertaining part of marriage for me is the unfiltered-ness. Tyler sees me every day. He’s witnessed every emotional reaction and overreaction to the point that he can tell sometimes before I can if I’m covering up my real feelings. He knows if I’m acting a part or if I’m being my genuine self to the fullest. The half-fulls and half-empties, he knows my unfiltered character.

We often start out relationships with at least a couple filters. Maybe someone puts on a toughness that, faded, exposes an extremely sensitive side; or maybe another person tries to cover up their unusual sense of humor with a straight face. Ask any couple (or close friends) who have been together for over three years it’s tiring to put on personality makeup every day! So if you’re wearing it, wipe it off. Personality is the new appeal.

Let’s talk about Ruth.

From the book of Ruth, we know 3 things about Ruth’s character:

  1. Ruth is loyal.

Naomi, Orpah, and Ruth are suddenly widowed in a time when widows have limited options: remarry ASAP (most likely within your people group) or hope family will care for you. Both choices involve going home. So, Naomi presses Orpah and Ruth, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands?” (Ruth 1:11).

By all practical standards, the best thing Ruth can do is go back to her original homeland, put on a little bit of makeup, and get on ChristianMingle.com. If she can just land some guy, any guy, she can start her family over in the comfort and safety of a sure home.

Ruth’s current circumstance is important to this story because I want you to understand that there is a quick way. There’s often a quick way to get what you want. There’s a quick way to make yourself more physically attractive. Ever used an Instagram filter? There are literally filters on Instagram that cover blemishes in seconds, that give your skin a little more glow, or make your eyes a little bigger.

There are also personality filters. For instance, there’s a laugh when you really don’t understand someone’s jokes but want them to think you have a sense of humor. There’s a smile to paste over an angry heart. Guys, if you didn’t know, you can get a lot of girls’ attention by holding a baby, even if you’re just briefly leasing it from a friend.

How quickly can you turn on a filter? How quickly can you change it if you decide you want a different one? You can turn it on or off in a second. It’s not natural, it doesn’t last, but it’s easy.

Back to Ruth, having to decide between what’s easy (making a Christian Farmers Only profile) or following Naomi. In 2:16, she decides, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.”

This is to-the-core, no-reward-in-sight, not-the-easy-way loyalty. This is Ruth’s unfiltered character.

  1. Ruth is a hard worker.

When Ruth and Naomi arrive in Bethlehem, Ruth immediately sets out looking for a way to provide for mother-in-law. There’s a field within walking distance, and it’s barley season, so she decides to glean grain behind the harvesters. She’s not harvesting barley right from the field like everyone else, by the way; she’s gathering leftover grain behind the people who already took the bulk. She’s doing the tedious work.

Enter Boaz. He sees Ruth gleaning behind his harvesters and asks his overseer who she is.

The overseer replied, ‘She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, “Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.” She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter’” (2:6-7).

Notice that Ruth didn’t start gleaning with the goal of getting Boaz’s attention. Some people will work hard only when others are watching. That’s a filter. When they finally get the attention, the filter wilts; the loyalty, hard work, selflessness, maturity, empathy, humor whatever – eventually fades and leaves piles of barley grain where the smell of freshly baked bread used to be.

But Ruth isn’t gleaning for Boaz’s attention. She’s just doing the work in front of her, no filter.

  1. Ruth is humble.

At this point Boaz introduces himself. He’s heard of the loyalty, seen the hard work, and

At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” (2:10). Remember, being a foreigner in this time was a disadvantage since individuals were valued highest within their people group. Ruth would not have expected any particular kindness from Boaz.

Humility doesn’t always look like bowing down at someone’s feet (although you could certainly try it out in your relationships and see what happens). Humility is forgoing pride and entitlement both of which are abstract, unproved characteristics and letting your actions speak your account.

The great thing about coming to people without a sense of entitlement is that it gives the other person a chance to recognize your work and reward it freely, without the sense of obligation.

Boaz answers, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before” (2:11).

Ruth’s character precedes her. News of who she is and what she has done finds Boaz’s ear before he even meets Ruth. If you ever think that you can wait to develop good character until you start a relationship, just remember that you’ll be the only person who knows about your good character when that time comes. Do your family, friends, and other eyewitnesses up to this point in your life know you as a genuine and life-giving person? Would they agree that your history matches up with what you’re trying to convey to Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Ruth has no need to put on an impressive front because she was impressive before Boaz was watching.

Interesting fact! Fast-forward to the New Testament and you’ll see that Ruth’s unfiltered characteristics—loyalty, hard work, and humility—set her up for the relationship that puts her directly in the lineage of Jesus. What a reward for her genuine good character!

Now, to the story I know well. This is how I met Tyler.

Tyler and I talked very briefly at a 2012 Breakthrough concert. He immediately grabbed my attention when I noticed something outstanding about him: he was definitely the tallest person in the room.

Back then Tyler was what my brothers referred to as, a “skater punk.” Big Osiris-style shoes, dark band shirts, skinny jeans, big bracelets, and a tattoo. He even had an ear piercing! (That is, before my dad “offered” to rip it out). If you can’t imagine the look, don’t sweat it. I have compiled some beautiful photo evidence.



If If I had evaluated what I was “looking for” back then, his outer appearance probably wouldn’t have caught my eye. He had the I-don’t-need-friends kind of look.

My attraction to Tyler shifted in one night.

He had invited me to attend a going-away party for his youth pastor. Knowing that he liked my music, I accepted the invitation intending to minister friendship into his heart. When I showed up, however, I found that he already had a lot of friends, all rushing him with hugs and telling me about what an outstanding guy he was. He had fixed this person’s roof free of charge, brought that person to church, helped someone through depression, showed honor where it wasn’t earned, etc. etc.

Like Ruth’s loyalty preceded her (2:11), Tyler’s genuine compassion and hard work preceded him in his friends’ stories. I knew before I saw.

Then one day my mom and I are sitting at his house with his family and mom gets a call that sends her into the other room. A few minutes later she comes out crying, saying we have to leave because someone we know is in the hospital. Tyler doesn’t waste a second. He barely knows my mom at this point, but he is hugging her for a long time, letting her cry into his shoulder, telling her it’s going to be okay.

There aren’t a lot of these amazing moments because Tyler’s not the type to wait around for the camera to capture his good deeds. He just does those things unfiltered.

He didn’t suddenly become compassionate when I met him. I already knew from the accounts of his close friends and family that compassion was part of his genuine unfiltered character. And it hasn’t faded! He still helps hurting people. He still fixes  what roles he can when I’m overwhelmed. He is seriously designed by God for me, though I would never have known that through looks. His most attractive feature is his character, unfiltered. It’s who he is down to the core that hooked me in the first place and draws me closer every day.

In Tyler’s case, solid character flipped a light in my head, revealing just how attractive he had always been. Filters, off, this guy is and has always been a catch!

What does your personality say about your appeal? Who are you outside of your relationship? Because eventually, naturally, the filters disappears, and you’re left with whatever was under the blush.

What do you look like unfiltered?

I brought this message to the youth last week and asked them how we can identify filters in a potential friend or love interest. Our youth are incredibly intelligent, so take a moment to look at their answers and see if you can apply them to your own relationships!

How do you figure out if the other person is filtered or unfiltered?

  • Ask God to show you what they’re like behind the scenes.
  • Observe their personality in multiple settings. Do they act differently between elders and peers? Between family and friends? Between church and work or school?
  • Watch how they treat their parents and siblings.
  • Do they speak poorly about people behind their backs?
  • Interview their family members and close friends.
  • Watch how they act on a bad day.
  • Check their social media. What kinds of things do they post?
  • Spend enough time with them that any possible filters have had the opportunity to fade.

Read more