During our prayer time we thank God for His goodness and we also make our requests to God with thanks. (See Philippians 4:6.) Daily prayer together should most often be a time of joy and praise, which builds an atmosphere of peace in our home.

There are several suggestions we make for couple prayer time. We recommend making time together in the morning if at all possible. Praying together while still snuggled in bed is wonderful because it bonds you spiritually as well as meeting each other’s need for affection. 

Another possibility is to take a walk together holding hands and praying. It will set you both on the same page when you communicate throughout the day, as well as when obstacles may arise. If morning isn’t feasible, we encourage you to pray together as soon as you can.

We also recommend that husband and wife each take turns, going back and forth praying for anything that comes up in your hearts. Some of the things we typically cover in our prayer times are:

• Gratitude for things that come to mind
• Prayer for each other’s day
• Prayer for the family’s protection and wisdom
• Prayer for extended family
• Prayer for those in authority and leadership: President, nation, military, pastor, and employer
• Prayer for our church and the marriages God puts on our heart

There are some alerts we do want to give you about couple prayer. First, remember not to criticize each other! We once had a couple say to us, “This prayer together thing just doesn’t work.” When we probed as to why, we found out they ended up fighting like cats and dogs every time because they would pray for the other one to grow up or change in whatever areas they felt they didn’t measure up! Correction is not the goal here, friends! We should leave our prayer time together feeling encouraged and built-up!

Second, remember to edify each other’s families in prayer. Prayer for one another’s extended family should be done oozing with kindness and love. When we pray for our spouse’s family in a positive way, thanking God to help them and meet their needs, we will begin to look at our spouse’s family as our own. Pray blessing upon them, even if they are difficult! When this happens and your spouse hears you valuing their family, it builds trust.

Third, know sometimes couples feel awkward when they first begin to pray together. It’s like learning to ride a bicycle when you were a kid. Sometimes it was difficult to get up and moving, but you eventually learned to balance and maybe even impress the other neighbor kids with some stunts! This is how it’s supposed to be with unified prayer (okay, maybe not the stunt part). Just remember, don’t give up! Practice for short periods of time and be patient with each another!

As we learn to pray together, we will grow in God’s kind of love. 1 Corinthians 13:5 states, “[Love] does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil…” Paraphrased, this basically means, none of us are perfect, so be patient and kind with each other while we all grow in our walk with God! It means choose to believe your spouse is trying their best and encourage them when they pray.

This is what we were talking about earlier when we compared unified prayer to a tennis doubles team practicing daily. When we make the effort to get ourselves unified in the small things like daily prayer, trials are so much easier to overcome!

If you and your spouse have had challenges with prayer together, don’t be discouraged. Just start by thanking God together each day for the good things He has done in your life and in the lives of those around you. Focus on God’s goodness!

God’s kind of marriage is like two masterfully trained and highly skilled tennis players who are experts at playing doubles together. Whenever a ball comes at them, they know instinctively how to work as a team to be most effective. At times they get tired, yet they don’t give up. They win the large majority of their matches because of their diligent practice together and acquired skill, and when they do, the victory is exhilarating.

Likewise, because of living in an imperfect world, there are challenges we encounter. When we realize we are on the same team and face obstacles together, we become much more effective, plus the process is abundantly more rewarding.

To be the best team possible, we could think of our daily prayer time together as our marriage unity practice. Just as a sports team practices together daily before they ever come to game day, we practice unity through prayer before trials and obstacles come in order to be consistently victorious. This prayer time gets us on the same page as a couple. It builds a unified vision and increases respect between us. It fuels us to experience increased marriage stability, joy, and emotional peace.

We like to compare daily prayer to a welding torch. When a truly good weld is made with two pieces of metal by an experienced welder, it is stronger where the two pieces come together than at any other place on the metal.

This is what prayer does to a marriage. It welds it together so perfectly that when challenges occur, rather than having anger and division, the marriage will not bend to the pressures. Both husband and wife continue to walk in love towards each other, refusing to allow strife in their relationship, and it causes the enemy not to get access. It’s really putting James 4:7 into practice daily. “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

We experienced a large challenge in our early years of marriage. There were some inappropriate situations going on where I worked. Amy and I had discussed that I should start looking for a new job. One day after another situation occurred, I resigned and had to go home to tell Amy I had left my job and we were going to have to move quickly because my work was connected to our housing.

As I walked in the door, I wasn’t sure how to give Amy the news, so I just blurted out, “I left my job and we have to find a new place to live within ten days!” To my surprise, Amy got a huge smile on her face and said, “Praise the Lord! It’s about time! Let’s praise God right now for the great things He’s about to do for us!”

In challenging times, it’s essential to remember nothing catches God by surprise! We praised God with all of our hearts, thanking him for the new job I would soon have and the better home we knew by faith He had already prepared for us. Within one week we met an amazing couple who had a beautiful home for rent. It was significantly better than we had before. As crazy as it sounds, we told them we didn’t have money for a deposit and I didn’t have a job yet, but would soon. They actually said yes, lowered the rent they were asking by one-third each month in exchange for us shoveling their driveway in the winter, and even waved the deposit because they said they just liked us! God did miracle after miracle!

Within three weeks I had a new job which paid twice as much! The job also came with great insurance benefits which we didn’t have before! In addition to all this, the new company I worked for even reimbursed my college tuition. That’s the favor of God!

As we walked through this trying situation, we never became angry at each other nor allowed bitterness to enter. We trusted God would continue to keep us in his will. Sure, we were tempted at times to worry and be upset. We could have cried and said “Why did this happen God? It isn’t fair!”

It didn’t look good and it definitely didn’t feel good, but prayer time together had built our unity in advance just like the sports team analogy we shared. Prayer had prepared us for a tough spot in the game and when it came, we passed the test and received the victory God had prepared for us!

As we practice unity by praying together when things are up, it empowers and equips us to be good at unity when things are down. When life gets tough and other couples may have breakdowns, you and your spouse will be prepared to win!

With love, 

Pastors Shaun & Amy