Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven (Matthew 18:19).
“We deeply love each other and know it was God who brought us together. We just don’t understand why we fight so much. On a regular basis one of us gets upset or irritated with the other about something.”
Ben and Shelly verbalized thoughts experienced by many couples. Through further discussions we found they were both raised in broken families. Ben had never met his father nor had any male role model in the home. Shelly had some role models, but was raised in a separated family much of her life.
Unfortunately, this is very common in the day we live. Many people have grown up with either poor examples or no examples of the skills and unconditional love required to make marriage last a lifetime. Within a short time, they begin to follow the behavior patterns they observed in their parents marriage or just make an attempt based on what makes them feel loved. They enter marriage hoping to receive unconditional love, but having little to no idea how to give unconditional love.
Ben and Shelly longed for the peace and joy God intended for marriage and asked us if we would impart any truths we had discovered. We visited together, sharing the main key to unity God had taught us. God had shown us through His Word that if we would pray together for a time each day, we would have peace, unity, and single-mindedness in our marriage relationship all day long.
This is shown in Acts 4:24, which states the group of believers gathered together and “…raised their voice to God with one accord…” Later, verses 31 and 32 continue with,
And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness. Now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common.
Did you notice the three key effects unified prayer caused among the believers in this passage of Scripture? First, when the believers prayed together they increased in boldness of sharing the Word. God desires for us to be a witness to unbelievers as well as to other Christians around us. This is done verbally as well as through our being a living testimony of God’s goodness. As you and your spouse pray together, you both increase in boldness about sharing and demonstrating the love and goodness of God with those around you.
Second, praying together resulted in them having one heart and one soul (unity), meaning no difference of opinion for direction, purpose or motives. James 1:7 tells us a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. A marriage with two people trying to go their own direction, rather than God’s unified direction, is also unstable. However, as you and your spouse pray together, double-mindedness will leave your marriage and single-mindedness will enter to unify the two of you as one heart and one soul.
Third, the believers’ unified prayer resulted in selflessness rather than selfishness. The last passage says they did not count their possessions as their own but shared with whoever had need. Selfishness is a large problem in many marriages today; however, this Scripture shows us how to overcome this destructive behavior and become a loving, sharing spouse. When we as a married couple pray together, we are putting Christ at the center of our relationship. God is then able to do a work in us to encourage a sharing and giving spirit, which will produce a “what’s mine is yours” attitude. This is the way God intended marriage to be.
After we explained all of these benefits to Ben and Shelly, Ben shared that he questioned whether this would truly help their relationship. “Let’s do this,” we said. “You said you have disagreements almost everyday. Try praying together at least 15 minutes every morning for just one week. Then come back and tell us the results.” We also added, “One more thing, make sure you do your prayer together first thing, before you engage in conversation with each other, otherwise you may get in a disagreement first and end up not praying at all.”
One week later Ben and Shelly arrived for our meeting. Before they even said a word, we could tell things had improved. Their countenance had brightened, and their body language towards each other showed a new spark and tenderness. They excitedly shared with us that in only one week there had been dramatic changes. They both agreed the arguments had diminished by about 90 percent. With a smile Ben said, “The remaining 10 percent of disagreements happened only when we didn’t start the day with prayer first.”
Ben and Shelly had quickly learned and proven that God’s Word will always work for us when we put it into practice. Isn’t it good to know God didn’t just throw a man and woman together with their opposite strengths, gifts, and abilities and say, “Boy, I don’t know how they are ever going to get along with each other?” No, God made marriage to be a work of art, and He gave us a manual to follow on how to have strong relationships. He made man and woman’s opposite characteristics to compliment and strengthen each other and to be a powerful force in the earth for His kingdom. He created marriage to be a gift, and it can be for you today.
No matter the current condition of your marriage, there is hope. Remember God said, “Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8). We can take God at His Word and ask Him for help to love our spouse with His kind of love.
Let us say here that doing things God’s way in marriage is not always easy. During the hard times, remember this great quote from Charles Kettering: “No one would have ever crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship during a storm.” This is also true with marriage. If we give up when things are the worst, we will never be able to experience God’s best. A rainbow comes after the storm.
It is often in the early years that many couples face their biggest challenges. Studies show most divorces take place within the first seven years of a marriage. The wedding is joyous, but then the challenges of life in a sin-filled world show up and people have to daily make the choice, “…as for me and my house we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). Many couples happily married over thirty years tell us the toughest years were in the first ten, but they are thankful they worked it out. They would not have had all the joyous years together if they had not persevered and worked through those early challenges!
Studies have shown that couples who choose to stay together and work out their problems are reportedly happier than those who become divorced.1 In order to achieve success in life and marriage, it is essential to learn how to overcome the rough waves. Through the challenging times, many couples begin to take their frustrations out on family and associate feelings from life’s disappointments with their spouse or children. They may become disillusioned with their marriage, thinking the relationship is their main problem. However in reality, marriage and family was designed by God to be a haven from life’s challenges.
When a couple puts God first and builds a spiritual bond with each other through daily prayer and going to church as a family, this is the first step in building a strong relationship that will weather the test of time. Then when tough times come, they have a strong foundation that is not easily shaken.
A couple can be so spiritually out of touch with God and each other that they do not even know this important bond is missing in their relationship. Then one day something major happens and they realize they have lost (or never developed) their spiritual foundation. Once a couple chooses to put God first and build or reestablish their spiritual bond, God is able to move mightily on their behalf. He can and will establish deeper love and excitement, as well as reveal His divine plan and purpose for their union together.
We love you!
Love,
Shaun & Amy
