You may still be packing up your Christmas items, but Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Love is in the air! There are flowers, chocolates, and other thoughtful gifts to be given. There are sappy movies to be watched or perhaps a perfect date with your someone special. This is what we call a Hallmark Holiday. What is love, really? We have to be careful that we don’t let the world define what love is, setting our expectations for worldly things and losing sight of the true Agape Love that Jesus has given us.
I Corinthians 13:
Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy or boast, Love is not proud or rude
Love is not self seeking, Love is not easily angered, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, Love always protects, Love always trusts, Love always hopes, Love always perseveres, Love never fails.
Love is waking up with your kids so your spouse can sleep a little longer. Love is giving what is better and not worrying if you receive anything in return. Love is apologizing because you know that your relationship is more important than being right. Love is learning how to communicate with your spouse in a healthy way.
What expectations are you putting on your spouse or soon-to-be? For years I expected things from my husband without ever telling him my expectations, and I would always wonder why he wouldn’t do things the way I hoped. Without knowing it, I was setting my husband up to fail rather than to succeed. I was setting our marriage up for moments of strife rather than adding more joy. I held onto resentment, believing he did not truly love me or that I was not as important to him as other things. Rather than properly explaining my expectations or how I felt, I would bottle up and either become silent or explode without my husband knowing why. Without realizing it, I became a bitter and resentful wife. Proverbs 25:24 (NLT) It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely house.
At this point, no matter what my husband did, I complained or expected the worst. At the time, I had a “complaining friend.” Every time I saw her I would divulge everything that was I believed was wrong. I did not realize I was destroying our marriage and home with my tongue. I did not realize what I was doing to my husband. Proverbs 18:21 (CEV) Words can bring death or life! Talk too much, and you will eat everything you say.
As a wife, I was supposed to be the guard of my husband’s heart. Your spouse may not tell you where he or she is most vulnerable, but that’s where the Holy Spirit can help you know. We are to protect our spouse, guard them, and cheer them on. We are to help them laugh and see the joy in the situation. We are to direct them back to Christ in every situation, whether you be subtle or bold with your actions. In my role, I need to remind him who he is in Christ when he has forgotten; pray for him knowing that Christ has made him the head of my home. Proverbs 18:22 (ESV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
So in this beautiful valentine season, talk about your expectations, whether you don’t celebrate at all or you go all out. Do not let the devil have a foothold in your marriage by sowing discontent, bitterness, resentment or strife.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) Can two walk together without agreeing on the direction?
My husband helped redirect our marriage. There will be times when one of you is at a low and you need the other one to help you up. In our marriage, we were both at a low, but my husband chose wisdom and asked for help. We started praying together, and God was working on our behalf. God can supernaturally make your relationship more unified, like-minded, and peaceful. Marriage is meant to be performed as a team — A God-ordained team where two become one. The only way to do this is with the grace of God. Mark 10:8-9 ( NASB) And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no one separate. Healing can take time, but God is faithful and will fight for you if you let him.
In Love,
Kathryn Broadwater
