Love Better

What is your love language? I’m sure many of you have heard about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. Have you ever gone on his website to find out what your top love languages are? If not, I’d encourage you and your spouse, kids, friends, or whoever you are closest with, to go on their website and take the short test! It’s simply 5lovelanguages.com
 
This is a great eye opener! When Shaun and I do premarital counseling with couples, we always have them take this test. If a couple doesn’t get the concept of showing love in the way their spouse understands love, or showing love with their kids in the way they understand love, it can make relationships difficult. The five love languages Dr. Chapman shares are touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. I personally believe dessert is a love language, but I suppose that fits under gifts. 
 
If you have a spouse whose top love language is acts of service, you can tell them “I love you” until you are blue in the face, give them gifts every week, and invest time with them, but if you aren’t physically helping them with acts of service, maybe laundry, cooking or fixing something in the house, then they still won’t feel loved. 
 
Think of each love language like a different human language. If I only speak English and you only speak French, we are going to have some communication barriers. In the same way, if we try to show our kids, our spouse, or anyone else love in the way that makes us feel loved, we aren’t going to be very successful in that relationship. We have to speak their language. I have seen kids who were being rebellious completely turn around when their parents figured out what their love language was and set a reminder for themselves to meet that love language on a consistent basis.
 
A friend of ours had a preteen daughter who had not been acting like herself and had started being very irritable with her family and especially her siblings. When our friend prayed about it, she had the thought that she should take her daughter, just the two of them, to a specific fun place that she knew her daughter really liked, and that along with play time there, she should let her daughter pick out some souvenir type gifts and buy them for her. Our friend said that day changed her daughter’s whole attitude at home. She started being nice again to all of her family. My guess is that her daughter has a love language of gifts and quality time and probably had a love bank that had somehow gotten very low with mom and dad’s busy life. This day with just the two of them got her daughter’s love bank replenished and she was able to love others from a full tank again. 
 
Often kids and even adults don’t know why they aren’t feeling as satisfied in a relationship, and it’s often just that we have stopped doing the things we used to do together (because of the busyness of life) and need to get our priorities back in order. Sometimes we need a day like this mother and daughter for a big overhaul if things have been lacking for a while. 
 
I believe God’s top love language is giving, because John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He GAVE Jesus, that whoever believes in Him won’t perish, but will have everlasting life! It may be giving someone else a gift on God’s behalf, giving towards His kingdom, or giving God thanks, but remember to give Him honor and respect this month and always too!
 
I’d encourage you to have all of your family members take the love languages test this week and find out what makes each one of you feel the most loved. Take time to discuss everyone’s love language as a family or even with your friends if you aren’t married. It will help you develop your people skills and improve your relationships in ways you never dreamed possible!
 
I’ll leave you with the words of Mother Teresa to ponder this week: “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”
 
Believing God’s best for you! 
 
Pastors Shaun & Amy