What Do You Value?

In case you haven’t heard, this October we released our second book, A Ring on My Finger: A Single’s Guide to Finding the Right One. We wrote this book with singles in mind, however we highly recommend it for parents and grandparents alike. It is a quick read loaded with practical and Godly wisdom. Below is an excerpt from Chapter 1. Enjoy!

 
Many people are looking for the right person without realizing that they should focus on being the right person. We typically attract what we are. Do you want someone who’s educated? You are more likely to find that if you are pursuing growth yourself. Do you want someone who compliments you often? Practice complimenting those close to you several times a day consistently. Most importantly of all, do you want someone who is committed to God? Then purpose to daily keep your focus on Him.
 
If you haven’t met the right one yet, don’t lose hope! Keep believing. In the meantime, develop yourself. Let that be a lifelong pursuit of all of ours, married or single.
 
The following is a short list of questions we would encourage you to ask yourself while waiting for the right one:
 
1. Am I close in my relationship with God? If not, I would be concerned about making a good choice for a spouse. Sadly, we have seen numerous people invest little to no time with God who then marry someone hoping that they will be a good spouse. God wants you to seek Him and pray over your future spouse. He can and will help you make the right choice when you stay close to His side and put Him first place consistently (Matt 6:33).
 
If you have a desperate longing (rather than a healthy desire) to get married, it’s often a sign that you are trying to fill a void that only God can fill. People are notorious for trying to fill the deep need for intimacy with our Creator with other things.
 
Some people think, “If I get married, I will finally be happy and feel loved,” No person is perfect. In reality, the person you marry will not agree with you or please you 100% of the time. They will not always make you happy. Marriage is a union that makes two spiritually and emotionally healthy people even more fulfilled, but it also makes two spiritually and emotionally unhealthy people feel emptier than they did before marriage.
 
2. Am I emotionally mature? Are you quick to forgive or do you tend to hold a grudge? Do you take your frustrations out on others by being silent, moody, drinking, cussing or insulting others? Although a Christ-centered marriage is wonderful, it is not a fairy tale. We all have to work on problems, but emotionally mature people learn to work things out without the added drama. This is easier said than done, but it improves with maturity.
 
Are you bothered when you don’t get things your way? Do you become depressed when things don’t work out how you hoped they would? If so, one way to build your emotional stability is to pursue being a more giving person. Purpose to place yourself in situations where you have to learn to become selfless rather than selfish. We all have two choices in life: serve self or serve others. Choose daily to serve others and trust God to take care of you. Volunteer and help others who are hurting and less fortunate!
 
3. Am I financially ready for marriage? Genesis 2:24 admonishes us to leave our father and mother and cleave to our spouse. If you are financially (or emotionally) dependent on your parents after marriage, this will likely be a problem. God gave Adam dominion over plants and animals (a career) when He gave Him a wife. If you are going to have to live with parents after marriage, you’re probably not ready to get married. 
 
We strongly encourage you to make sure the one you marry is financially assiduous. If you need help in this area go through a class such as Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together. Regarding finances, sometimes we’re asked if the wife should work outside the home. If the wife wants to work, this is the couple’s choice. We understand there are also times when the wife may work and the husband stays home with young children for a season as well. Just remember, if someone is lazy or a poor financial steward before marriage, they will typically be just as much and even more so after marriage. 
 

We hope you enjoyed this excerpt! If you’re curious what questions 4-6 are, you can purchase our book on Amazon or at the church info center. We greatly appreciate your support and are thankful for you all! Have a blessed day!

 

Love,

Shaun & Amy